‘Could Be Anything, Love… You’ve Had a LOT of Drugs’

Inspired by Josie’s writing prompts at Sleep is for the Weak, namely ‘tell me about a time when your body let you down’ I thought I’d have a go at a slightly more *personal* than usual post.

I’m not a typical ‘mummy blogger’ – if there is such a thing – as my website & blog represent not only me, but my business.  I *try* to inspire & motivate, & to share my expertise so that pregnant women & mums feel better about themselves. My own motivation for what I do really is as simple as that. I am also careful not to step outside of my area of expertise & into the realm of midwifery, doctor or parenting expert (which I am SO not).

I believe that women’s bodies are incredible, amazing things. That if we show our bodies some love, then they are literally capable of miracles.  But I have wobbled (Josie’s word!) on 2 fairly major occasions to maintain that self belief, namely the births of my children.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into a ‘my gory birth story is worse than yours’  (Jeez, you’ve all got one of those!) & some of  you will have had much more traumatic or physically damaging birth experiences than mine. Just as many of you will have had fantastic, unassisted & empowering experiences (I applaud you whilst being  just *slightly* envious)

I had to change some of the wording of my advertising for my pregnancy & postnatal personal training business after I had my first baby. You see I used to tell potential clients how easy their birth would be if they just followed the correct pregnancy exercise regime. How quickly they would pop out their baby with their finely tuned pelvic floor muscles & how swiftly they would zing back to energetic gorgeousness.

Then I had a go at that birth thing. And boy did I feel short-changed. It was so darned unfair. I’d done everything right! I had eaten, relaxed & exercised by the book, so how come I didn’t get my perfect birth?

My daughter was a pretty damaging ventouse delivery after 28 hours labour, followed by postpartum haemorrhage, a ‘manual evacuation’ (that was nice)  & a catalogue of frankly crappy moments which I won’t bore you with.

My son was born at home nearly 2 years later,with the full support of midwives & doctors who assured me that there was ‘no reason why it would happen again’. My boy’s birth was glorious – but then the haemorrhage came again & this time it was vicious. Helicopter (oh yes. A helicopter. I mean I know I said this isnt a competition but beat that ) theatre & a whole series of ‘procedures’ plus a terrified looking nurse (at a different & much nicer hospital) telling me the next day how she ‘thought we’d lost you there’.

At one point I asked, ‘So where did that bruise come from?’ pointing out yet another angry needle site. She shrugged ‘Could be anything, Love. You’ve had a LOT of drugs’ .

When I recovered I was mad. Mad with my body for letting me down. Twice. Bitter because it wasn’t fair. Other women could do it… why couldn’t I? Women who weren’t as fit/strong/healthy/’knowledgeable’ as I was. I had wanted ‘that natural birth’ so badly.What was the point of all that preparation & exercise?

But back at home my midwife put it in perspective & stopped me feeling quite so sorry for myself. ‘You think most women can still hold a squat position after 24 hours labour?’ she asked. She reminded me of my aerobic fitness & stamina, of my core & lower body strength & of how my nutritional knowledge had enabled me to nourish my body so quickly back to vitality after such massive blood loss.

Mother Nature & my Midwife taught me that whilst there is an awful lot about labour & birth that really is in the lap of the Gods… there is also quite a lot we can do to help. By eating for optimum health, exercising correctly & having confidence & respect for our body, I think we empower it to do (& bounce back from) incredible things.

I work with postnatal personal training clients on re-connecting, emotionally as well as physically, with their bodies, especially when they have preferred to ‘cut off’ from certain body parts when faced with stress incontinence, flab or stretch marks. Their body’s ability to recover & look fabulous is still there, but again, it needs some help in the form of very specific exercise & great nutrition.

I did feel that my body had let me down. But then I got over myself & realised that (with just a little medical intervention ) it had actually been amazing. So much had gone right, & of course the results (now 4 & 2) make me grateful every day.

I do hope you will leave a comment & let me know what you think! Birth is a very big deal, & I know only too well how many women continue to be affected by their experiences (good & bad) many years later. This post is not supposed to be about who has a ‘perfect birth’ & who doesn’t, but rather how a little self love & physical TLC can go a very long way, whatever the experience.