{"id":486,"date":"2021-05-14T20:44:32","date_gmt":"2021-05-14T20:44:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cms.mutusystem.com\/en-us\/?p=486"},"modified":"2023-12-09T22:23:20","modified_gmt":"2023-12-09T22:23:20","slug":"birth-experience-when-you-feel-shame","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mutusystem.com\/en-us\/c-section\/birth-experience-when-you-feel-shame\/","title":{"rendered":"Feeling shame, guilt or failure after birth? You’re not alone."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Birth shame or feelings of failure or guilt remain all too common. Shaming around ‘natural’ child birth, intervention, c-section and birth choices is very real. Direct or unconscious, these messages are constant from social media as well as medical professionals, friends and family. Our body is extraordinary, powerful and strong, regardless of how you give birth. We know this, but we don’t always believe it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Many of us plan for and think about how our birth experience will be. Reading everything we can get our hands on to prepare. We picture who will be by our side, how we will cope, what support we would like and we feel fearful, excited or both.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But for many of us, reality doesn\u2019t quite play out as planned, and emergency medical intervention, including c-section, are common. Many c-sections are planned and positively chosen and for some, even emergency intervention is simply welcomed and gratefully accepted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But others feel failure or shame around their imagined inability to \u2018perform\u2019 at labour and childbirth<\/strong> in the way they expected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My experience of birth shame<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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Wendy Powell, MUTU Founder and CEO<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Neither of my birthing experiences turned out at all the way I had planned. I was a strong 34-year-old personal trainer when I gave birth to my daughter in 2005. The final hours of a 28-hour labour involved emergency medical intervention, which left me fading in and out of consciousness, hemorrhaging. I was told that the surgeon had been \u2018up to his elbows\u2019 in my body and in my blood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was completely rocked. Sad and bitter that my preparation, fitness and strength seemed to have counted for nothing. Determined that with my second I would \u2018do it right\u2019. But labour two years later brought me even closer to actually losing my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hemorrhaged again, this time much more acutely. Had it not been for the paramedics urging me to stay conscious as I was flown by helicopter to a larger hospital, and the work of surgeons on the day, I wouldn\u2019t be here at all. Eternally grateful as I feel now, at the time I simply felt weak and broken, like my body had failed me again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I too experienced the belief that my body had let me down. That it hadn\u2019t achieved what was supposed to be intuitive and natural. I felt as though I could no longer trust my body, as though it had deserted me when I needed it most.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
Disconnected from my body<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
As a fit and strong personal trainer dedicated to self-care and respect for our bodies\u2019 abilities and strengths, I utterly disconnected. I neither trusted nor loved my body. It was a long road of not only physical recovery, but also mental health issues and rebuilding self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is why I connect so deeply to the stories of women who feel any sense of \u2018shame\u2019 around birth that is medicalized or traumatic.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Feeling out of control and fearful is not uncommon for women looking back on their birthing experiences. When intervention is necessary, when trauma occurs, then we are survivors, not failures.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
C-Section birth shame<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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C-sections are common, and not always a \u2018plan-b\u2019 or last resort. A C-section can be a positive and conscious choice and may be the medically safest option for a multitude of reasons or circumstances. Around 1 in 3 births in the US are by caesarean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
C-section birth is \u2018normal\u2019 and safe<\/strong>. It can be calm and positive just as any other experience. Extreme anxiety is often the result of feeling uninformed and scared, so talking about the possibility of a c-section scenario beforehand may help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
C-section recovery takes time, nourishment and gentle rehabilitation. It is major surgery and its routine status shouldn\u2019t diminish the physical trauma and need for recovery and care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your journey, your story<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Know that this is your journey, your story. Give yourself time and grace, and consider yourself a strong and powerful survivor, never a \u2018failure\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However our births go, the people around us can make all the difference. We all remember the caregivers who made us feel safe, cared for and informed. Just as we may remember the ones who were rushed or brusque. Birth partners or a Doula can be a great comfort, advocating for you, asking questions or simply being there, holding and reassuring you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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It\u2019s okay not to be okay and pretending you\u2019re okay is not okay.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
‘Mother\u2019s guilt\u2019, feelings of judgement and shame extend beyond birth. Whether or not we breastfeed, how we parent, how our body appears to have \u2018bounced back\u2019, whether or how quickly we return to jobs or careers. The multiple ways we can be perceived to fail feel endless and exhausting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Birth shame sometimes means we tolerate symptoms we shouldn’t<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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